Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Jackasses: Master The Art Of The Close

It may not feel like it—especially if your mother taught you any manners at all—but great salesmen are made, not born. Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross? Ben Affleck in Boiler Room? They may have been name-taking, ass-kicking machines by the time we saw them on tape, but every sales pro starts out as that kid that gets nervous going into a call or feels the need to hit the bathroom in between every cold call. Bear witness now to seven keys of closing that may or may not have come from Hollywood:

1. Assume The Sale

They walked on to your lot, didn’t they? They called you, didn’t they? No? Specializing in cold calls? Well guess what—your product is better than everybody else’s for some reason; you’re saving them money, or you’ve got prestige, or you’ve got a superior product. Why wouldn’t any right-thinking customer want that?

2. “It’s **** or walk”—Blake, Gelngarry Glen Ross

Ok, so Alec Baldwin doen’t exactly use the most modern-office-friendly language here. But you get the point: even Blake doesn’t convert 100% of his leads. But he does apply the 80-20 rule with a ruthless efficiency: you’re buying this, or you’re not. Combine this with habit #1 to get the point—if they’re not sold on your product after you’ve done your job, get the hell out. They’re playing you for an ego trip.

3. “You Can’t Close Them? Go Home And Tell Your Wife Your Troubles.”

Again, with the non-PC verbage—but Blake’s got the point. Sales takes a meanness and a determination that other careers don’t require. Client has an objection? Overturn it. Turn at least three of them before you leave, and when you’re going, get out. They’ve got more objections? Too bad. If they’re not buying questions—how much does it cost? How long is delivery time? What’s your support policy?—the 80/20 rule comes into effect, and you’re leaving.

4. “Be Aggressive. Learn How To Push. Ask ‘Em Questions…Get A Yes Out Of Them!”—Jim Young, Boiler Room

As much as sales requires being an absolute jackass, it’s also about knowing when to take the pressure off. Some clients get overwhelmed when you give them too much information, and some don’t take it well when you assume the sale; ten percent of the population will do just about anything. So how do you pull those out of the fire? Make a joke. Ask about their kids. Talk about the weather. Anything to break up the pattern and give their brain time to adapt to the circumstances. Once they’re laughing or agreeing with you, go for the kill.

5. Never, Ever, Ever Ask A Question You Don’t Know The Answer To

This is another habit you have to pair with number one—assuming that they want the product, don’t ever ask a question you don’t know the answer to. You’re giving them a chance to tell you no and get off the phone/ask you to leave/take a business card and they’ll call you if they need you. Popular for this sin: “Can I tell you about _____?” or “Will you do _______ for me?” Don’t even use “if” in your sentences. It gives them an opening to exploit. You own this conversation, and they can only run as far as you let them.

6. Don’t Mirror Their Personality; Use It Against Them

If you’re in B2B sales, then you probably deal with a lot of entrepreneurs. Are these people motivated by the bottom line, or did they hang out their own shingle so they could call the shots. The sooner you figure out your target audience, the sooner you can adapt your pitch to them. Small business owner? Short, concise bits of information that they can process quickly. Spend too much time briefing them and they’ll get cold feet. Act decisively, too—this client is more likely than any other to seize on an opportunity to take control of the conversation.

7. Work The Whole Day

This may be the favorite for salesmen everywhere; we’re sick of making calls, we’re going to Starbucks. We’re going to take five and read the paper. Smoke break! Drop all of them. At the end of the day, sales is all about percentages. Your number of sales can only go up so far from fixing your style; after that, you have to change how you work. Twelve hour days? Working Saturday? Be ready to do all of it. And quit cutting time out of your day for things you can do later.

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